The List I Wrote Every Day for a Year

Can we ever really have it all? I’ve been toying with this question lately.

TL;DR: I believe that yes, you CAN have it all… if you’re super clear on what you want.

This is a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way, over and over again. This past month, it came to me by way of finally acknowledging that perhaps I have taken on too much, committed to too many things and therefore am left with very little time for the other things that I say matter. The things I say I want, yet don’t make time for.

To use a road trip analogy, if you don’t have a destination to plug into your GPS, then how will you know if you’ve arrived? How will you know if you're going in the right direction or if you need to turn around? Sure, you could just get in the car and start driving, seeing where the road takes you. If you don’t care where you end up, that strategy works to accomplish the goal: to go on a road trip. But if you DO want to ultimately get somewhere in particular, especially within a certain timeframe, you need to be clear on that upfront.

The issue I used to have is that my destination kept changing. I would be heading in one direction toward something I thought I wanted to get to, but I’d realize on the way there that’s not actually where I wanted to go. Or worse, I’d get there and then come to that realization (too late).

There was a period in my 20s where I was just experimenting my way through life, hoping something would stick. I kept chasing the next thing; a higher salary, a better title, a nicer apartment, a newer car, a healthier relationship, a fitter body, more self-awareness, etc. etc. And I love that version of me for trying different things without truly knowing WHAT it was that I was looking for.

Now that I’ve officially reached my late 30s… I have a bit more wisdom and clarity on what is important and what’s not (for me). My target has stopped moving. That doesn’t mean I don’t have goals and dreams for the future anymore, it just means I am clear on what matters. I’m able to enjoy and celebrate when I arrive at those things, rather than feeling like I must immediately move on to the next.

Do you let yourself savor your achievements that you’ve worked so hard for?

Do you give yourself time to feel grateful for having the things your younger self could only dream of having someday? Or do you keep moving the needle farther and farther away so you never actually get to feel the satisfaction of arriving?

When is enough, enough?

More questions on my mind lately…

But to go back to my original question, you can’t have it all if your definition of “all” keeps changing. However, you certainly can experience enoughness when you're clear about what matters.

For me, I’ve been working toward a list of things for years. I actually wrote down the following list every single day in 2020–2021 (s/o to Rachel Hollis’s Start Today journal) until they became ingrained in my brain:

1. I am financially independent
2. I have a successful and meaningful career/business
3. I am involved in my local community
4. I am a positive role model for young women
5. I am a loving, conscious, committed partner
6. I am a healthy person with healthy habits
7. I have traveled to every continent and lived abroad
8. I own a home and an investment property
9. I am a spiritual person and a lifelong learner

I don’t have all of these things (yet), but I’ve made progress toward most of them and can genuinely say that I feel content with where I am. And for the record, this list felt VERY far away just 5–6 years ago.

I still don't own a home or an investment property (in this economy?!), and I haven't been to every continent, but I have built a meaningful career and business, become involved in my community, created a healthy relationship with my body, and found a partner who makes me feel deeply loved.

Reflecting on this list now, I'm reminded that progress doesn't usually happen all at once. It happens one small action at a time, and with a lot of patience and trust.

What I didn't do was keep changing what was on the list.

I stayed the course (mostly), focusing my attention, time, and energy on those things, and today I get to look around and say hey, my life is pretty f’ing great. And I’m proud of myself. Maybe it IS possible to have it all.

Maybe you CAN have:

A corporate 9-5 job that gives you financial stability AND your own business that you love.

A partner who you’re super attracted to AND who is devoted, patient, and kind.

A positive relationship with your body AND a positive relationship with food.

A local community of friends and family AND people all over the world you talk to occasionally and get to go visit.

What does “having it all” mean to you?

Lots of love,

Marta

Enjoyed this reflection? All of my monthly wellness notes live on my blog if you ever want to revisit them or catch up on previous ones: wellnesswithmarta.com/blog

3 things supporting my balance right now:

• 🌱Getting my hands in the dirt. Our raised beds garden project has turned into building a huge fence around them which we’ve accepted will take the entire summer.
• 💪Being consistent with my strength/gym routine: getting to a 7am class 3 times a week.
• 📝Assessing my commitments and scaling them back during the summer months so I can enjoy more time outside.

What I’m reading/listening to: The Madonna Secret by Sophie Strand - after being fascinated by her other book, The Body is a Doorway, I knew I would love this one too.